Monday, February 25, 2008

Four more years

On Thursday, in anticipation of my performance of the Humpty Dance, I set my Facebook status to "[BZ] is about to ruin the image and the style that you're used to". Little did I know that this simple gesture would spark much controversy. Back in New York, some people didn't catch the Digital Underground reference and took the message at face value. And so it was that my image-and-style-ruining plans became a topic of intense Shabbat lunch conversation halfway around the world.

They even came up with a list of "The Top Ten Ways [BZ] would Ruin the Image and Style that We Are Used To", which they emailed me afterwards.

Number four was "Have Mah Rabu endorse John McCain for president." So, what the heck. In the spirit of venahafoch hu, I'm going to do it.


Do you feel that George W. Bush has done a splendid job for the last 7 years? Do you wish you could elect him to another term, and get downcast when you realize that the 22nd Amendment has no chance of being repealed in time? (Not that real men like Bush are ever constrained by petty things like the Constitution, but in this case it might look bad.) Well, if a third Bush term isn't in the cards, then the next best thing is electing John McCain, who will continue all of Bush's great work, perhaps into the next century.

Concerned that a Democratic president would bring our troops home and leave Saddam Hussein's Al Qaeda cronies free to plot the next 9/11, this time using Saddam's stockpile of weapons of mass destruction? John McCain has said that he would be fine with keeping our troops in Iraq for 100 years! Every bomb that goes off in Baghdad is a bomb that isn't going off in our homes. John McCain will stay the course, but won't stop there; he'll support our troops even more by sending them to invade any other country where they can be bogged down for 100 years: Iran, Syria, North Korea, China, Russia, the possibilities are limited only by the American spirit!

In order to pay for all these wars, John McCain will continue Bush's heroic efforts of cutting taxes on the wealthiest 1% of Americans.

I know there are legitimate concerns about McCain's Senate record -- the campaign finance law with his name on it could pose a threat to the important role of corporate lobbyists in our government. But don't worry: John McCain has shown no indication that he intends to follow this law. You can rest easy knowing that John McCain is just as open as anyone else to being purchased by lobbyists.

And some have expressed concern that McCain's Vietnam experience has turned him into too much of a pansy to support torture. Worry not. John McCain has made it clear that torture should be unrestricted, when American values are at stake.

McCain has vowed to appoint more Supreme Court justices in the mold of Roberts and Alito. so when the liberal justices finally retire (the youngest is 68), the government can finally take full control of your reproductive system and your telephone calls, and stay out of areas where it doesn't belong, like labor regulations and anti-discrimination laws.

Four more years!


  1. what were the other 9 ways?

  2. This image-changing endorsement would be so much more compelling if every one of its very convincing arguments began with, "My friends..."